Passion denied


Dear Beloved,

I wanted to tell you this many times, however courage always deserted me when the chance had been before me, I’ve always love you, and that love had no specific definitions and reasons, is not a love that just happen along the way, no it’s a love that’s always been. Unfortunately the human flaws in me fought against that love for self-preservation. We were kindred spirits that never needed introductions, our journey became one and it just made sense. I remembered you said to me once “You are the inspiration behind all the love that I am and will ever be.” I should have responded than and let you know how much I love you, I should have taken that moment to admit how your presence was the oxygen that kept me alive in all the senses that matters, nevertheless the fear if I ever give into the passionate part of our love, it would go away, it would be tainted and snatched away, I wanted to protect and hold onto you, so I ignore the passion part of our love, I kept us in the best of friends zone, I did not give chase to the wind of our love, I simply observed and remained disciplined. I saw the longing and craving in your eyes, the lingering desires waiting for me to dare, I knew you wanted to touch my soul and body with all that love encompassed, passion, bliss. I felt the warmth of your desire igniting and waiting to be quenched, but I denied you that. The time we had and shared were heavenly, and then, there’s so much more of what that time could have been if not for my fears, which is  now my hell. As I sit on this grass by your grave with my heart buried next to yours, I remember these passionate words you whispered once to me “You are the inspiration behind all the love that I am and will ever be.” Woe unto me, I did not allow our love to reach it’s heights of passion and possibilities, Woe unto me.

By Micheline Jean Louis