Demon in my head

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It takes strength and great courage to be happy in spite of life unexpected turns
Is like rolling a dice you just never know what situations will come your way
Some of us have found ways to accept and adapt to those changes, while there are others
That can’t find the will to adapt to those changes, which does not imply there are weaker, it simply mean that they have not find a way to cope. And that’s where depression comes in and rule. I called depression a demon and its whole purpose is to commit you to a life that is bleak and full of hopelessness. Depression will always have you wondering what more can there be when the very essence of life has become the enemy?

Demon in my head….
The demon in my head
Taunts me everyday
It tells me how I’m a failure
It tells me how it’s my fault that things always goes wrong
It tells me I’m a Nobody
It tells me no one will ever love me
It tells me I’m ugly
It tells me I am the wrong skin color
This demon never fail to mention
How I am the wrong size and height
It paints memories of all the pains that I have gone through
It tells me I am a life that was unwanted
The demons in my head make fun of how I keep hoping things will work out for me at the end.
This demon says I am weak
But how can I be weak when I am still here?
How can I be a failure while I still live?
How can I be a nobody when my womb have given birth to wonderful beings
How can I be ugly when my reflection is smiling back at me?
Wrong size and height? Who deemed it so, is there a law?
When I ask these questions back in my head, the demon stop and silence emerge
Yes every day this demon will taunts me but I am determine to question
Everything negative that does not match the perception I have of myself.

Some of us have to fight daily to keep our Happiness

By Micheline Jean Louis

Paintings : Uknown

The Lack of Identity

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You have to have real peace within

In order for you to hear the chaotic noises

That is around us. Once you have that peace you will

Be able to distinct the different sounds, you will hear

The screams, the whispers of a groans,

You will notice the violence that is brewing

Inside another soul, you will hear the cries for help

Because those noise can’t be heard by your external

Ears. It is good to sit back quietly and observed, you will learn that

A lot of things are never what they appear at first glance.

Observe without judgment, the truth will reveal itself.

Have no preconceived opinions, come unlearned to learn. One of

The things I have learned in this life is that, there is not much you can take at face value

Especially when it comes to people, the mask is always present.

Never assume your significance in someone else’s life

You will be disappointed much. The majority of us only hold

Someone significant as long we have something to gain from them.

Though those gains varies, from friendship to romantic relationships

We see the effect of that, we only hold things and people valuable

As long we find them necessary, as long they are meeting a need, and filling a void.

Though most would disagree with me, and it’s ok because I understand the

Need to hold face and the desire to believe that we are not so shallow,

But the truth in my opinion we were condition to be superficial and this superficial conditioning

Has affected this lack of identity crisis in our society

 

Let us venture into the phenomenal of social media

It is a great a plat form to sit back and observe, you will learn

More than you can handle about the nature and the state of mind of us,

It is a boiling pot with everything cooking in it.

Vanities is team wining, the need to be accepted and love

Is one of the most sought after prized, from the professionals?

 To the Jun-bugs down the street, the stage is lit and everyone wants to shine.

We all have witness the ruin of relationships, friendship and families online

And we also have witness relationships forming, we likes and we comments

We judge and criticized.

It’s a fantasy, where some are trying to personify something they are not.

They are advertising a life style that’s totally the opposite of their reality.

Most post superb quotes and powerful scriptures but have never attempt to

 Practice or meditate on any of them, but just because it sound good

And match the idea that they are trying to sell of themselves.

It’s a great marketing tool just like the commercials we watch on television

Isn’t that the whole purpose to advertise a product with the hope people will accept and buy into it?

 When you seat back and observed you began to see the unfolding of people,

It take compassion and an understanding mindset to witness that and is not just for the people

Online is also with those that you interact with on a day to day basis, workplace

Church, your neighbors etc. In a nutshell people feel a great need to advertise a made up version of themselves, all for the purpose of acceptance. The Identity crisis in our

Society is staggering and is not just affecting our youth, adults as well.

Most of us don’t know who we are, some of us don’t even know how to discover true self

Most of us do what we do, act the way we act due to the fact we have no true identity.

So for self-preservation sake we mimic and imitate what we feel is acceptable

We have surgeries, we try to fix what we feel is not beautiful in our physical

Appearances, we adapt and identify with other characters that are also make-believe.

We hang around people and call them friends not because we truly like them, but they meet

The criteria of the in the crowd that we want to be accepted by

You don’t really love him but he meets the criteria of what is acceptable

By society, you don’t really love her but she is beautiful with the perfect body

And most of all she look like the criteria that is acceptable by society.

Lack of identity creates a false self with no anchoring, no roots, it’s like a chameleon

It becomes and transform into whatever it is surrounded by

 

To me it is a great tragedy because how can we become great without out our true selves?

So I ask myself why do we suffer this? And one of the answers I can come up with is

We do not want to go unnoticed, we don’t want to be forgotten

We want to be accepted, appreciated and love, because at one point in our young lives

We didn’t received those affirmation. The fear to be ourselves can only stem from

the moment we believe we were not good enough therefore we take the extra steps to get accepted to be like, to be love.

We take the opinions of what we think would be acceptable

By our friends, families and society and try to

Sell that version of ourselves in 3D, and I don’t believe anything is wrong for having

Those desires is the method of which we go by that need to be redirected.

No one should go unnoticed no one should be forgotten

And all of us need to be love, we need to feel, it is a basic yet fundamental need

But the reality is all of us are seeking something external to fill an internal need.

We are looking to the world, to give us identity instead of searching within.

I have learned in my personal journey all that I was seeking on the outside

I already had inside of me, I had to become all I was looking to others to be to me

To myself. I had to forgive myself, accept myself, love myself and make peace with myself.

I had to appreciate my flaws just as much I appreciate my strength because that’s what make me

Human, alive, accepting my true self gave me my true identity and I am in love with who I am now. it made it so much easier to extend compassion toward others, be less judgmental and made it so much easier to have a well balance life, healthier relationships and the icing on the cake is that orgasmic feeling I get knowing I am like for me, and that I am love and accepted for being me. I am no longer wearing a mask because I’m not afraid for the world to see me and it is a freedom that all Men should share and have

Micheline Jean Louis