Too broken to be fixed

Every morning I cringed at the sight of the rising sun

I wish darkness would remain forever,

Why am I being force to deal with these ugly

Scars that marred my soul, why must I deal with a

Life that has shown me no kindness.

Every night I am plague with the thoughts of seeing another day

If only I wasn’t such a coward, if only I was strong enough

To end this breath they call life.

Oh do not be shock, nor give me your pity

And don’t patronize me by offering me sympathies

They will do no justice to the horror’s that has become

My bedfellow, I am too broken to be fixed.

I am too weak to keep fighting a war that I did not create.

At one point I did fight like hell trying to capture life

But that was until I realized that life was running away from me

I did not want to drown into this abyss, I looked around for a life line

I scream and scream hoping someone or something would send me a

A rope to hold on to, but love never had eyes for me, I was not pretty enough

Or worthy enough, so I just drowned into hopelessness.

I know I’m not the only one, some have found favor in the eyes of love

Some have been kissed by hope, and some has found the rope of purpose

While some others has found grace in the arms of suicide. But then you have those

That are like me the tortured souls wandering about with no doors to walk through

We are living in hell, lost souls among the living wearing the mask of teachers, students,

Doctors, public figures, entertainers, friends, mothers, fathers, writers, poets, philosophers

Preachers, leaders, we are right on the edge daily praying for a strong enough wind to push us over the cliff.

Micheline Jean Louis

Demon in my head

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It takes strength and great courage to be happy in spite of life unexpected turns
Is like rolling a dice you just never know what situations will come your way
Some of us have found ways to accept and adapt to those changes, while there are others
That can’t find the will to adapt to those changes, which does not imply there are weaker, it simply mean that they have not find a way to cope. And that’s where depression comes in and rule. I called depression a demon and its whole purpose is to commit you to a life that is bleak and full of hopelessness. Depression will always have you wondering what more can there be when the very essence of life has become the enemy?

Demon in my head….
The demon in my head
Taunts me everyday
It tells me how I’m a failure
It tells me how it’s my fault that things always goes wrong
It tells me I’m a Nobody
It tells me no one will ever love me
It tells me I’m ugly
It tells me I am the wrong skin color
This demon never fail to mention
How I am the wrong size and height
It paints memories of all the pains that I have gone through
It tells me I am a life that was unwanted
The demons in my head make fun of how I keep hoping things will work out for me at the end.
This demon says I am weak
But how can I be weak when I am still here?
How can I be a failure while I still live?
How can I be a nobody when my womb have given birth to wonderful beings
How can I be ugly when my reflection is smiling back at me?
Wrong size and height? Who deemed it so, is there a law?
When I ask these questions back in my head, the demon stop and silence emerge
Yes every day this demon will taunts me but I am determine to question
Everything negative that does not match the perception I have of myself.

Some of us have to fight daily to keep our Happiness

By Micheline Jean Louis

Paintings : Uknown